It’s Raining Cats and Women! By Imam Luqman Ahmad


There sure are a lot of unmarred sisters out there. I mean like, everywhere. I’m getting hit on all the time now. I’m a poor rough looking dude right now who does not bathe or groom as often as I normally would, who doesn’t wear socks, has ashy feet, wipes his hands on his jeans after eating, and who might have a catsup stain on his shirt, and keep it moving, and impressing somebody is the last thing in my mind. That’s just where I’m at today.

Nevertheless, this no have no woman thing is becoming an issue for me, not withstanding that I love women, especially grown up women, especially grown smart woman, especially grown up smart believing women, and especially grown up smart believing women who are not under the spell. I believe that any man that believes in Allah and the last day, should be married. That’s just me, and I really don’t care what another man does in his woman situation. I don’t ask, i don’t care. We all should fear Allah, case closed. I live by Sunna code, I don’t believe in girlfriend boyfriend, not at all, Im not no where near perfect and if I sought perfection, it would be for Allah. I follow sahaaba man code too, and I don’t tell a man how to handle his woman situation, and I darn sure don’t allow people to tell me how to handle mine.

But the thing is, I love women, I love Islam, I do fear Allah, I know we in the last days, I want to go to jannah, and I’m a soldier, and it is essential for me to have a halal, and very solid woman by my side. Otherwise I risk descending into beast hood. I’m very committed to my mission, so it becomes an interesting story for me. And that’s my business. I’m not looking for advice here, I’m up to something, but with good, honorable intentions.

Anyway, I’m gonna have to do something soon. Women have radar, when they look at you the first time, they already know yes no or maybe. Lotsa  times women can tell when you’re running solo, especially when you have kids. lol.  It’s deep when your not married. Straight fitna..

And the thing is, running into women spontaneously in real life is way different from Facebook. It’s a lot harder to front and people have less time to be fake, and of course, there’s no need to. For some non-Muslim women, being a Muslim is a plus from the get go, and they be ready like, teach me some more, I’m down! A lot of women out here believe in One God, but I can’t take a chance on a newbie right now. Plus I’m noticing that a lot of Black women are having second thoughts about the bitch ass men they created. So they are in a state where every man is suspect. Not all though, and then there’s a whole bunch of women who really want that joker, sucker dude, that’s what they’re used to, and that’s their business, and many women, just like men, just want to have a halal sex partner, and that’s their business too. But that’s not where I’m at. They’re not my type. But it is really easy to have a woman these days. They are everywhere, but a good woman, that’s a different story

But I’m hearing all these Muslim women from our community who aren’t married. Some don’t want to be married, some will never be married, and some are not even marriage material for me, nor I for them. But there are women who are going to Jannah through the door of their choice. They know what that means, and that’s the type of woman I’m looking for, jannah bound. We’re all free agents when it comes to Love and marriage. Bottom line, I’d rather a believing woman, especially during this dajjaali time. For me, being unmarried is like being disabled. So I gotta do something. Im gonna make a pitch in Sha Allah cuz I know exactly the kind of woman I want.

For starters, she gotta want to go to jannah, gotta be a soldier, maybe have some scars, old-school loyal, fully grown, not a la la land chic, be about her Lord as far as I’m concerned, be waay past the playing game stage, and have a nice butt. To each his own, everybody ain’t for everybody. In Sha Allah He’s decreed one for me, and she’s working her way towards me. In the meantime, I’ll be waiting an on the look out

Imam Luqman Ahmad

Imam Luqman Ahmad is an Imam and Resident Scholar at the Toledo Masjid al-Islam in Toledo Ohio. He can be reached at

Yes, I’m accepting queries, but only from the true and the brave.

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