First things first. Fornication and adultery are sinful, prohibited acts in the religion of Islam and there is no amount of triangulated reasoning that can change that fact. We live in a highly sexualized society and that is not going to change anytime soon. Marriage is the primary way that we render sex permissible. There are many other benefits to marriage, but right now we’re talking about sex. Our approach and moral psychology with respect to sex outside of marriage is of tantamount importance. Sex within marriage is an issue all by self. However, sex outside of marriage (zina) is even more important because we are at risk of being the first self-bastardizing civilization of Muslims in the history of Islam. An estimated 7 out of 10 adult Muslim woman in the United States are not married. A lot of them seem to be having sex because they are bearing children, children without fathers in the home.
Good sex is at the top of the list for many Muslim sisters as a ‘condition‘ of marriage. Many Muslim women are very clear, adamant and even graphic about their sexuality. In the culture of jaahiliyyah (pre-Muslim ignorance) a woman’s sexuality is a major selling point, and men are expected, at least wished to perform like a porn-star. Muslim women do not have the legitimate option of pre-marital testing of penis potencies until they find the right one for them. So if good or great sex is deal-breaker, a sister will tell you up front; “you’ve got to maintain me sexually” or she might even tell you that she is a nymphomaniac. Men already assume that nymphomaniacs are more inclined to cheat on their spouses, or often think about cheating. Many men fantasize about at least taking a shot at a nympho, but very few want to marry one. Most men have been schooled about nymphos, which is why most of them are not married.
Women can be just as anxious, ready and willing to sample the goods before marriage as the men are to oblige, if not more so. Even if the man turns out not to be marriage material in other areas after all, job, education, money, already married, religion, or character, if the sex is good, the beat can go on, even without marriage. Especially if the sex is real good. For many heading into marriage, sex rules. Many of us do not like to admit it just like we don’t like to admit a lot of things, but as i just stated, we live in a highly sexualized society and Muslims are not immune to it.
Lots of times Muslim brothers are pressured to prove that he can hit the spot, before any contract is considered. He has to either give a convincing verbal argument that he is fully up to the task, or he has to prove it. That is our situational reality. It is better in my view, that we just be real and honest about it, and stop accusing brothers of taking sexual advantage of these otherwise ‘virtuous’ women. It takes two to tango. Women can be predators too. Zina (sex) before marriage will always have its consequences. Al-humdu lllaah, Allah forgives, but there is usually some damage done, which is why we are commanded not to even approach zina. Many children are born out of sampling the goods before marriage. Many. It’s a vicious cycle. We can keep going on pretending.
When a Muslim sister, not wanting to test the waters unlawfully, tells you up front; “you’ve got to maintain me sexually” or will tell you that she is a nymphomaniac, both statements can scare the heck out of an otherwise good man and potential husband. I’ve even seen people say that if a husband fails to satisfy his wife sexually, it’s okay for her to seek satisfaction outside the marriage. Men already suspects that nymphomaniacs tend to cheat, or often think about cheating. Many men would like to take a shot at a nympho, but very few want to marry one. Most men have been schooled about nymphos, which is why most of them are not married.
Men, however, should be honest about their sexual potency, or lack thereof, especially since according to the Massachusetts Male Aging Study, 52% of men experience some form of ED. A recent, 2019 study sponsored by the NIH (National Institute of Health) determined that 26% of men under the age of 40 in the United States, suffer from some sort of ED. This would indicate that sexual virility in a man is at a premium. It also means that we have to approach the issue of erectile dysfunction as part of the overall conversation about marriage. If a man knows that he is very capable in the area of sexually satisfying a woman, he is very unlikely to let his sexual prowess go to waste; he is likely to use what he has either by marriage, or by fornication.
Some Muslim women get caught up in “cougar culture“‘ finding a younger man who can satisfy them sexually with presumably no strings attached. Although he’s not necessarily marriage material, he can easily fill the sexual need, a sort of ‘fornication agreement, or contract’. Now, their contract is with shaitaan. Unofficial Fornication Contracts are taking the place of marriage contracts. That might just be the tip of the iceberg. There is no easy answer to our sexual woes as a Muslim people. We are only beginning to have the conversation. It’s just one elephant in an increasingly crowded room full of elephants.
Imam Abu Laith Luqman Ahmad
Imam Abu Laith Luqman Ahmad is a associate Imam and resident scholar at the Toledo Masjid al-Islam, housed in the first building built originally as a Mosque in the state of Ohio. He can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org Like this article? Support @ Cash App to: $abulaith2