Imam Luqman Ahmad Mosque Without Borders

Stop thinking that your marriage has to be a Cinderella marriage like you see on television and Facebook.  not like that in real life for everyone. For some, maybe. But certainly not for many of our people. We’re talking real life here.

Marriage itself is the contract, and the state of being permissible for each other according to the law of the Almighty God, Allah sub’haanahu wa ta’ala. After that, once you’re under the covenant of marriage, if you work together, and come to an understanding, without breaking any sharia laws (that’s important), you can configure your marriage in a way that works for you both and relevant to your particular circumstances, whatever that is at the time.

Circumstances change. They always change. You will change. Time will change. You will get older, maybe wiser, maybe dumber, maybe fatter, maybe not, maybe richer, or poorer, but no matter what, you are always inching closer to your appointed time, and you don’t know when that time is going going to be. But that time is coming. You cannot stop it. That’s only in the movies. So..

Keep your lofty plans, or your not so lofty plans, tentative, and say in sha Allah, because you don’t know what you’re going to do tomorrow, or if you’ĺl be even here tomorrow. And you’re only going to get what’s written for you. And if you forget a sunna, or break a sharia law or two, or three in your marriage journey, ask Allah for forgiveness, repent, make amends if you can, do right after that and keep it movin. And that ain’t nobody’s business either cept anyone involved, or anyone you involve in your shenanigans. Always Always be ready to make amends.

However, your marriage and your pre-marital circumstances may not be the optional scenario that they it should be on Facebook (idiots who don’t have a clue). So what, your circumstances will reflect your reality, not the supposed reality in someone’s mind, so you work from there. Then perhaps, just maybe, you can get to your version in your mind of ideal.

Maybe you don’t live together in the same house at first, but if that’s your ideal, you work towards that. Maybe living together doesn’t work for you right now. So you discuss it, come to and understanding, and work a situation that works for you as husband and wife.

Another thing, how you and your spouse work your marriage and household, how many wives you have, who lives where, who pays what, who buys what, who does what in the marriage, ain’t nobody’s business. Remember that. Live by that. Your marriage, how you work it, your agreement and your with your spouse, or spouses, and how that looks, is nobody’s business. Grow up.

Your purpose, the reason you are here, the reason you exist on this planet, is to worship Aĺlah, Alone without partners. The goal is to obey Allah, obey His Messenger, practice Islam, be upright, die as a Muslim, and go to jannah. How you achieve that while married is up to you.

It’s okay to have dreams, but dreams don’t happen by magic unless you’re a magician and that’s haram. People usually realize their dunya dreams through work, being tested, patience, and by Allah’s permission. And whatever your dunya dream may be, it will be temporary and in the end you will face reality, so stay focused.

It’s okay to have have expectations, but manage your expectations and try to make them realistic to your situation, and your personal reality. If you haven’t been saving money, and managing your credit, and finances, don’t expect to go out and buy a house next week. That may be your expectation, but that’s not your reality. Get my point?

Islam is a religion of guidance, direction, order, focus, and salvation. It’s also a religion of flexibility, and latitude, and multiple choice about certain things, and individuality. That why people stand before Allah as individuals.

There is no god except Allah, the one God. He sent down guidance from above seven heavens. He was Merciful and dispatched a prophet to show us how it works, and He made some people scholars, and people of understanding to help explain it to us. He made boundaries for us not to cross, and He made the earth spacious, and mostly permissible for us to use, benefit from, and enjoy until an appointed time.

Make your marriage work for you and your family, and fear Allah in all matters.

And if you don’t know what I mean by Cinderella marriage, ask an elder. Or just look it up. And by the way, the only reason Cinderella looks the same as she did when you were a kid is because she’s a cartoon. Remember, you are not a cartoon. This is real life.

Imam Luqman Ahmad